Favu's world of shite

Fucked off!

2010-05-10T05:18:00.001-07:00

I am a bit fucked off at the mo.... People should mind their own fucking business!! that is all...

Shittish telecum

2010-03-02T01:50:00.000-08:00

Well in my never ending quest to fuck Karoo off, I have failed AGAIN! I got a call from the B.T. "specialists" who deal with installing lines, they tell me that the main exchange that I am plugged into (the one in town, the main one in Hull that serves the whole of the city centre) has no BT equipment in it AT ALL, and there are "No plans" to ever put any in, and I can't have a line, so basically fuck off... thanks guys!!! wankers...

"Oy vey! no B.T. line in Hull? and I'm from Hull and I advertised B.T.! I'm a lying whore yes!" -Maureen Ringpeace (Yesterday)

Things to do at work when you're bored #136

2010-02-16T05:16:00.001-08:00

First go find an MFD, (this is a printer and photocopier) and type a "comedy" message into it... thusly...

Let the hilarity ensue!! hurrah!!

The Phone Saga Part II - Electric Boogaloo

2010-02-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

Still nothing from BT! why have you forsaken me? where is Buzby!!?? where is my damn telephone line?!?!

The phone saga Part I

2010-02-09T02:43:00.001-08:00

Bloody Twats (Yesterday)

As you may or may not know, I live in Hull, we only have one Phone supplier and one ISP! Until now, taking advantage of B.T.s FREE line installation I rang up 2 weeks ago to order a new line.... That's pretty much where it all went wrong....

Firstly, They couldn't finish my order because "the system was down" and they kept insisting i rang back, eventually when it was finally up again (Bare in mind it was their last day of FREE installation) I managed to place an order... well nearly! At the end when they try and set up my Phone number, so the order can go ahead, the program failed! and they INSISTED they would ring me back within 24 hours with a new phone number, and installation date... 3 days passed! and nothing happened, when i rang back and FINALLY got through to a human, I spoke to an Indian guy, Now i am not saying he was an Indian call centre, he could be in Wales for all I know! I wasn't going to ask him, basically because I couldn't actually understand a word he said, actually he could be Welsh! I never thought of that, he started the whole process again, my order had been cancelled because "There was no engineer available, to book, so we cancelled the order for you"

A Welshman doing what welshmen do (Yesterday)

Anyway, same thing happened, when i got to the end of the process, when they finally got round to it, he said "Installation would be £39" erm, i said, "no look, when i ordered it, it was FREE installation, not £39" so he said i would be charged £39 and then i would be refunded on the same bill! so hurrah, its free!! (This was after a good 30 minute chat with his supervisor while i listened to some horrendous classical music that sounded like it was being played on a Kazoo) I was assured they would ring be back within 24 hours with a phone number, and that never happened! When i finally rang back a week later... I booked a call back, it never happened!

SO now I am on the phone again, to a rather lovely and apologetic lady called Pam... and she's trying to sort it, apparently it is booked with an engineer, but there is still no phone number, and I've been on the phone about an hour now... She said my case had been passed to the "complex offline team" somewhere in darkest Scotland, and I MAY get a BT line, but somehow I really doubt it!!

Stay tuned to see what happens....

PS: I got an SMS from BT saying that I have raised a query! So maybe something IS happening after all...

Something for the weekend....

2010-02-07T03:51:00.000-08:00

My son is skanky, everyone says he is cute, and no doubt to some he is, but that because you've only seen pictures of him, looking all angelic and not the filthy young man he is, I have just invested some pennies in a lovely shiny new laptop, he jumped on me today, and made me spill my tea on it! needless to say i am not impressed, yesterday while in the midst of a horrendous hangover he proceeded to EAT THE CATFOOD, when i cleaned him up, his breath smelt so bad, i threw up in the sink... and no matter how much you shout and punish him, does he care? no he bloody well does not!

Don't be fooled by the cute! this kid is horrendous!!

Anyway! he ate more today, was told off, and then when we were looking for his shoes did it AGAIN! thing is, you can't even get him to eat normal human food most days! what is it with this kid?? I have no idea why he acts like he does, my first son was a total angel in comparison to Zack, he constantly misbehaves, then acts all cute, if my son is the Antichrist (like i believe he probably is) I apologise for bringing around the end of the world!

In other news, my shiny new Dell laptop with 64bit windows 7 on runs like a dream! Mass Effect looks lovely on it (for such an old game) and runs as smooth as silk (once patched) Windows 7 was terrible on my desktop, maybe because of the motherboard, or the mish mash of cheap off the shelf bits, i don't know, yeah i do know games will be about 25fps slower, but i guess the only game i will notice that on is GTA IV and i really don't think i will be playing that any time soon, as i have at least 10 games to finish before i get to that!

I am currently playing Oblivion, and added naked ladies to it, its great fun! I might even finish Fallout afterwards, with the same mods...

RPG Nerd HEAVEN! naked elves with fake boobs! (Oblivion: Yesterday)

I also bought Flatout Ultimate Carnage for my 360, this was only £5, total bargain! so i shall be playing that too when i find the time... I still have last weeks Being Human to watch! where does all the time go??

To stop the hurt of having spent £80 in a restaurant last night, which was barely better than a mediocre pub food pub type place (fuck me! I am excellent at the expressing myself with letters thing!) I watched "Pants on the ground" as I happened to see it in passing, however i saw several remixes, and enjoyed them, as well as some decent cover versions! Here is one of my favourites so far....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwMTZN41GBc&feature=related

Hope you enjoy it! and have less stress this weekend than I did, Oh and in case you are wondering, the laptop cleaned up fine, and Zack doesn't have food poisoning YET!

One follower?

2010-02-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

Blimey! only 1 person following me, what a disgrace, its probably because I've not written anything for sooooo long, I just bought a zoom lens for my digital camera, I've not been taking any pics for a bit... but i am starting again soon!

Been keeping my head down, but as work isn't as hectic at the mo, i thought it would kick this shit off again!

so, Reviews of stuff i bought, people i hate, and pointing and laughing at those less fortunate... If you've read my old posts, you probably know what to expect, and as for the web comic, I've not even started that yet! nor do i think i will, so that ones closed due to lack of interest already!

In the mean time... here is every Under Construction Gif ever... just because

http://www.textfiles.com/underconstruction/

No updates for fuckign ages!

2009-05-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know i havn't updated this for a long time, but i thought i would just pop in and say "worry ye not favus fan! you shall get your fix soonly"

Yeah its coming back, less personal, more shite, stuff I think is intresting, so yeah, enjoy it!!

Moving and shit...

2009-02-01T04:18:00.000-08:00

I have just started playing and MMO called "Runes of Magic" Its German, it looks a lot like WoW tbh, I was going to do a mini review of it, but i have not had chance to play it that much what with moving and all, I will do later tho. I am moving back in with my Ex (mother of my youngest) and now no longer Ex, so there's a lot of work to do! and much to pack, this is my last day in this house, I shall not lie! I have had a good time here, its been fun... I will have to wave goodbye to quiet evening in alone, and sordid fun... But that said, i know L loves me, and were a family again, so lets hope it all works out this time.

TVFail is dead

2009-01-24T16:44:00.001-08:00

I deleted TV fail of my own accord, apparently laughing at men dressed as women is not funny... even really really bad ones.. and i got my account deleted...

You win!

PS: it was my www.tvchix.com account that was deleted, not my blogger account, theres nothing wrong with what i did!! I deleted TVfail, as i could no longer update it... with you failures....

Nothing!

2009-01-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

I am updating my other blog, so this one is being a bit left out, I am also in Brum this week, so i'm not going to update any time soon! don't cry tho'

Vindaloooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaargh!

2008-12-05T02:36:00.000-08:00

Last night after college me and Denis went for a curry, We both had a Chicken Vindaloo from Wetherspoons (this is how classy we are!) Neither me not Denis had has anything this hot before, I managed to finish, He had to run off to the loo to rinse his head under the tap!

I enjoyed it quite frankly, the feeling my head was on fire and my face was melting was awesome, I think curries i have had in the past from wetherspoons always seem to be 1 chili hotter than they should be.. anyway it cleared my sinuses out and it was great! I would heartily recommend them, although the Pedigree i had with it was a bit rank! ho hum.. bring on the Abbot!

I'm feeling quite up again after a roller coaster of emotions.. I am likely to crash into a big steaming heap any day now... I keep being late for work and sleeping in too, that's really no good at all.

What am I hating at the moment? that's a good question! Zoosk! the fuckers have started making it pay to talk AND censoring your MSN address.. hehe not gonna pull on there anymore..

Christmas too is annoying the fuck out of me, If you don't like eggs, no one calls you a misery for not liking eggs... If you don't like bumsex, they don't all nag you to join in with it, and sing songs about it at you, so why do it with Christmas? I hate Christmas, its stupid, pointless and boring as fuck, and like Stuart Roberts, should die in a fire... preferably as soon as possible.

Oblivion now with guns!! - A completely unbiased review of Fallout 3

2008-11-14T02:12:00.002-08:00

MINDBLOWING

I have been playing fallout 3, and its ANNOYING the hell out of me... If you have ever seen a program about American people who dress up as middle ages people, and talk like "English" people.. then you will pretty much understand how people sound in this post apocalyptic world... its WRONG.. they sound like they should be in oblivion! its not helping...

The inventory is JUST like Oblivion.. the 100's of useless objects lying about is JUST like oblivion... but strangely the post apocalyptic wastes aren't, in fact they are JUST LIKE the villains areas of City of Heroes! I am telling you, walking in these wastes (where you can, if you are not surrounded by rubble you can't jump onto... Baring in mind your character (No matter how many agility points you have can only jump 2 inches off the ground!!)) Now i know you have S.P.E.C.I.A.L. skills but ARE you special? in third person i can't SEE a wheelchair... but your character moves like he or she is in one.... and what is it with loads of buildings you can't go in? if you can't go in a building DON'T PUT IT IN THE GAME!! don't just put planks over the door and make it so i can't remove them with A) A sledge hammer B) a big hammer C) a Mini Nuke D) a Flame thrower! Seriously!! No wonder this wood survived the apocalypse!! its IMMUNE TO ANYTHING AT ALL!!

I love a good mini gun, You're in the wastes, you scavenged 200+ rounds, you walk up to a GIANT Mutant, that's 3 feet away, you press fire.... the gun spins up... wheeeeeee!! and you lose the bullets you spent 3 days collecting from the arse end of the world, only to watch them all fly into the sky like some sort of supersonic bee with no sense of direction... and he laughs at you as you do no damage to him AT ALL...

There was a giant robot sentry too... I was in the next room, I kept ducking behind a wall and using V.A.T.S. to try and pick him off... slowing time, dropping grenades RIGHT UP HIS EXHAUST TUBE... and NOTHING... shooting him in the head in slow motion, only to be mowed down by his lasers and his rocket launcher after 20 minutes.... So what did i do? that's right! Pulled a sword out... ran at him and then circled him PANNING the SHIT out of him with it... in 2 minutes he was DEAD and he didn't even hit me once... WTF?!?!

I was nice, helped everyone, got good Karma... but i was DIRT POOR.. I am saving these people and their shitty arsed town, and they STILL charge me 20000 bottle caps for a schematic for a gun to protect them, why?!? surely if they want me to protect them they would bloody give me some money... and the schematic, a pat on the back and a good meal! this is not just a problem with this "RPG" but a problem I have with all of them... When i decided to turn evil and kill everyone in Megaton, i became super rich and leveled twice, just by blowing off heads with my combat shotgun, I don't know if this will have repercussions down the line, and quite frankly... I don't care.

People have complained about crashes in this game, I have not had a single one... but its bored me to tears.. there's serious problems with the game play and the usual RPG problems with immersion, throw in a very ropey FPS dynamic and you have a pretty damn abysmal game, Only negative reviews I have seen for this are from Fallout fan boys, I have never played it, so i can't comment... Apparently the single player (without side missions) Quest can be completed in 4 hours of play, which is one hour for every year its been in development! how lame is that?

The A.I. is headcrippled in this game

As the intro song says... "I don't want to set the world on fire...." this world i do... Don't get me started on the BORING and REPETITIVE underground stations, which are SO identical you can't tell where you are... or the enemy AI which is "RUN AT THE PERSON AND HIT THEM OR RUN AT THE FIRING YOUR WEAPON TILL YOU GET STUCK ON THE Shopping trolley/Traffic cone/Door/Random piece of scenery you can't see"

This game is terribly flawed, with outdated game play concepts and really terrible scenery with an old game engine that's really showing its age, the NPCs all look like they have mutated with some sort of futuristic downs syndrome... All the problems with the original Oblivion still exist...

Oh and i killed a GIANT scorpion outside the supermarket, and it kills 2 giant fire ants before it spots you, I wondered why this was, till i quick travelled there, AFTER i had killed it, to find it had re spawned, and had the fire ants, it kills the fire ants and raider before it comes after you... So its pretty handy they are there yeah? I wonder how that happened?!?! Coincidence?!?! put the fast travel location at the BACK of the supermarket if you are going to re spawn enemies and can't remember if you've bloody killed them in the past or not... *sigh*

What else is wrong with it? I am dressed in raider armour, with my face hidden in a welding mask, and Raiders can tell who i am from 200 feet away!! How do they do that then?? it just beggars belief..

There's so many problems in this game that spoil the immersion, It annoys the HELL out of me, I will finish it tho, just to see how bad it gets.. I will probably cheat to finish it as well...

SO there...

Conclusion

Fallout 3 gets...

2/10 for graphics... Dated.... boring.. monochrome...

4/10 for sound... patchy, some of it is very atmospheric, the guns sound crap...the voice acting while not TERRIBLE doesn't fit the post apocalyptic world, and spoils the immersion.

4/10 for game play.. Usual crappy RPG problems with a terrible FPS stuck on.

3/10 TOTAL - While not a completely terrible game, its very nearly poo.

My recommendation... Don't buy it... its typical of the "dumbed down" PC/Console cross over games of today.

CUNTS!

2008-11-14T02:12:00.001-08:00

You are all cunts... that is all..

I love this advert

2008-09-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

It never gets old, I especially love the "YEAAAAAH!" at the end, ROCK ON!

Filthy Student!

2008-09-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

I am now officially a filthy Student! as of yesterday I enrolled in a Degree course.

I am a student of Business Information technology, doing a DEGREE! part time of course, I still have a proper job. So you know, you can't slag me off for being a burden on the state and all that, Hopefully this will help me get a job elsewhere as one of those I.T. Managers that can't type, like that Indian guy off the Computech advert (personally I think he would have been better off sweeping roads in his high visibility jacket (he probably gets paid more!!))

I start on the 15th of this month, and I'm going to be HERE till 8pm 3 NIGHTS A WEEK! as well as working here all week, its going to be a nightmare I'm sure - but i think i might enjoy it.

CHeesy Chips and chip spice, review

2008-08-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

Well I had to do it, I mentioned it today, and I couldn't get it out of my head! cheese and chips, with chip spice, here it is...
It only cost me £2 as well! here is a close up.....

LOOK AT THE CHEESE!! awesome.....

This is me eating it, it was lovely, liquid death yeah, but fuck me! it tasted like heaven!!!

I ate it all, I might die, but i DON'T CARE!!! cheesy chips PWN!!!

FUCK OFF

Final score 11/10 - I didn't get food poisoning, but i think i put half a stone on last night.

Where the fuck is cynical Favus?

2008-08-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

Oh my god! I sound like a bloody lovesick teenager, most of the time, you seen that match.com commercial? I am ACTING like that, and it sickens me! but I like it at the same time.

I used to be one of the people who would be shouting "GET A ROOM YOU SICK FUCKS!" at people making out in the street, and NOW I AM DOING IT... holding hands... grinning inanely for NO BLOODY GOOD REASON!!

Its all because of my new girlfriend, in this mad crazy, horrible, disgusting shitpit of a world, i have found a woman who really likes me! ME! Socially inept.. Perverted, sick old me!!

Who'd have thought it?

I need a new job

2008-07-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

You might not know this, I am a network technician, I work making the network where i work work, its dull - Its soul crushingly dull, Have you ever configured a switch? Updated a Netware server? No you've not, its not advance more than Telnet these days. There are web frontends, but they are slow, and hardly ever work. Most of the time I am waiting for stuff to break, so i can reboot it. Time marches on...

I always loved using computers, these days even though i am on them all the time, I hate it! Its not any fun, games don't even intrest me anymore. Energy prices are going up so much, i don't think i can even afford to have my computer on anymore, so i am not going to bother. I am seriously thinking about sacking computers off entirely and going luddite... getting a non IT job, something that maybe involves moving bricks about, or selling fruit.

I don't know, everything these days seems like such an effort, if it didn't help me get laid, i'd probably not even bother now.

Proper job

2008-07-29T03:24:00.001-07:00

Its all WORK WORK WORK here at the moment, I've not done a proper update for a while, i know! I have been busy doing other stuff, work stuff! its horrendous. How one is supposed to have a social life when you have to spend all day fucking about with computers is really beyond my comprehension. I have been utterly bollocked by my big boss, so as far as this goes, expect only sporadic updates.

Hits!

2008-07-27T11:55:00.001-07:00

If you read my blog and i dunno who you are, leave me a comment once in a while! you know so i know someone actually reads all this shit.

Jim's mum

2008-07-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hello dear reader! while i was on the net, i found an ammusing picture of Jim's mum, and while we are putting jokes up that noone outside #digi understands, here is one for Edje....

LOL! PWNED!!!

bye for now!

BIOME review

2008-07-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

Well those guys at Spore HQ have done it again, This new "game" is called Biome and its billed as "BIOME is a programmable cellular automata simulator that allows users to develop simple "SimCity-like" grid simulations." I loaded it up ready to get started, only to be disappointed with a simulation of "white noise" using cells. So i turned it off in disgust. You can't even make anything even REMOTELY penis shaped with this.

Overall: -5/10

PS: its free, and you can download it here if you wish: http://www.spore.com/comm/prototypes

Gorgeous Ladies of Zoosk, whatever number I am up to now and SUMMER!

2008-07-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

Incase you missed it, Yesterday was summer, the first and the last day, hottest day on record! all that shit... the good news is, its boobs out weather! Cleavage everywhere.. and thats excellent... the bad news, whats above it, is usually horrendous! hehe... Well Summer was nice while it lasted, best go unpack your jumpers RIGHT NOW.

On with the gorgeous and sexy ladies of Zoosk!! mmmmmmmmm!!

As you know Hull flooded recently, here you can see Tracy in the flood, and she put a pic on her Zoosk of her newly flooded living room, as you can see, she looks quite upset about it.

Oooooh lovely, what a nice profile pic you have there Debz, really showing off your good side, FFS! my arse is bigger and better looking that THIS MESS, really if you are going to flash your arse and then put it on the web, make sure its nice! that's all!!

This is even worse than putting a picture of your baby up, or you in your wedding dress, if you are going to flirt DON'T use a picture of your dog, it IS a picture of your dog isn't it? or are you reallllly that ugly!?!? WOOF!

Generation Cock

2008-07-24T05:25:00.000-07:00

If you think tele is mostly shit, You're right, however, TV just got a bit less shit.

Currently I am watching HBO's mini series, Generation Kill, based on a proper book by a guy with a moustache it tells the tale of a platoon of Marines as they invade Iraq at the start of the war. It clearly pulls no punches and tells the story like it is, Showing you the lack of resources the marines have and all the problems they face in today's modern warfare (aside from getting killed) The dialogue is brilliant, except for the overuse of the word "Dawg" now i am not sure if they say it a lot in America or what, but all i do i know is, its getting on my nerves a bit dawg.

There is drama and comedy aplenty, albeit very dark, coming from the same stable that brought you "The Wire" you'd expect it to be awesome, and you know what? It is! aside from a few obvious budget niggles (the Special effects can be a tad ropey in places) its shaping up to be this seasons MUST WATCH drama about the Iraq war with Marines in it.

The guy who played Beecher in Oz plays the journalist and author who rides along with the Marines as they invade, witnessing everything they see, first hand. This could be his finest role since Waynes World dawg.

What is getting on my tits right now?

2008-07-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

6 fucking K a second? are you having a laugh? I have been on hold for 15 minutes, If my call is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT TO YOU, then WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING ANSWER IT!! Karoo are mumless cunts. Oh! yeah! 121 hours... for fucks sake....

Oh yeah, I am playing City of Heroes again, and I don't care!

You won't beleive that shit that some women post on the net III - The search for Spock

2008-07-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to post this anonymously.
I have been really stressed over the last few weeks as I am experiencing problems with my work. I know I will sound paranoid but I honestly think they want to get rid of me as I work in a very male dominated environment and I think me being a mum now makes them think that I'm not going to work as hard etc. They're giving me a really hard time - picking up on any stupid little errors and making me feel humiliated in front of everyone. I've spoken to HR about it but they weren't any help and actually, it's pretty obvious that they are taking my bosses side.
I am looking for another job but there's not much out there at the moment.
I feel constantly sick and am struggling to eat properly. My stomach is in knots all the time and (sorry, tmi) but I have a constant upset tummy. I don't want to go to my doctor as I don't think she is very good and I don't want to be diagnosed with stress etc as I worry that if I get another job then they will be put off by this.
I am trying to not let this ruin my time with my lo but sometimes I can't help bursting into tears. I am so worried about money and feel useless and incompetent.
Any advice anyone?

Kill yourself.

Favus Reviews - The Usher, a Film review website

2008-07-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

Hello Readers, if you're anything like me, you will be handsome and clever, and intelligent, if you're not then fuck off, I don't want the likes of you reading my site. Today I am reviewing a film review site called "The Usher" it can be found right here... http://www.kelwick.karoo.net/

First off, The design! oh my, what can i say? its horrible it looks like someone has forcefed a horse a tonne of those fridge magnet letters, then given it an enema. and held a white board up that's captured the results, looks best in Firefox? it looks best if YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN!!!

Well as I have never seen half of the shitty mainstream crap he's reviewing i best have a read of his review of "Juno" which i for one thought was FUCKING UTTER HIDEOUS pretentious shite, sweeping camera angles over quirky teen "music" (and i use that in its loosest possible terms) man that film stank, i can't think of anything to recommend in it, other than avoiding it at ALL COSTS!! anyway, did The Usher like it? well its bilge, so he is BOUND to!

"Four pregnancy tests, how did you produce that much pee?" <-- he used this quote obviously he has some sort of watersports fetish, One writer! How did you manage to produce all that shit?!!?!!!

"Every couple of years a small budget, character driven quirky comedy comes along and becomes an instant cinematic gem, 'Juno' is one of those movies. " No, its not! and every two years? Quantify that statement! Ghostworld was one... and er.. then there... what? its not a gem, its a turd.

"The story of a sixteen year old girl who becomes pregnant might not sound like the most original premise for a movie but Reitman and his creative team's approach to character development and story make this one of those rare low budget, character driven gems. "

No! its not original! they shot it in a quirky way and put crappy music over it, to make it SEEM modern, and they swore a bit... WOO! and you used the word GEM again!! Goddamnit! Wheres the gritty realism? wheres the father threatening to stick her up the cunt with a rusty coat hanger? This guy played Shillinger FFS! one of the MEANEST screen villains OF ALL TIME!! If i was 16 and i came home pregnant, I am sure my parents wouldn't react like this, the guy who wrote this lives on some other planet, I thought a woman had written it, it was such toss. As we all know, i don't wanna come over all misogynistic, but women can't write for shit, when has a woman EVER written a master piece? Anne Rice eh? fuck off! hehe.. and come to think of it when has a woman ever written anything bloody funny either....

"With the characters and the story drawing you in, it is the performances of the cast that breathe life into the movie and the actors and actresses in 'Juno' make the movie the gem that it is. " - Its a GEM is it? oh FFS! get a new word!!

"'Juno' is a gem of a movie. Drawing you into story and the characters from the first scene, this is a rare look at real teenage Americana, while still been slightly quirky." DRAWING ME IN AGAIN IS IT??!? GEM IS IT AGAIN??!?! QUIRKY IS IT?!?! ITS SHITE! AND YOU'RE SHITE!! its still BEING slightly quirky!!! not BEEN oh GOD, you gave it how many stars?!?!

The Usher speaks? I think he should shut the fuck up!

This website is shite: Not a gem: -300/10

PS: I just fucking noticed this guy gave "Knocked up" 5 fucking stars! I am IN A RAGE about this, its probably one of the worst films i have ever seen that doesn't have Nick Cage in it, stupid premise, All the stoners i know wouldn't give up being stoners, even if they had CANCER. If you like this film then you might also like, Contracting AIDS or Jumping off a very high building.

Review - MrGoat

2008-07-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

Most of you don't know what a MrGoat is, A MrGoat or Damian Jennings, Is a person. Its function is to do lots of things, More things than most people, it is like some sort of Swiss Army Spork device. It can be used to play the guitar, to some degree. He can also Rap a bit, which is quite odd, because it only comes in white, and shouldn't really perform this function. The case is a bit dated and shabby, and it has a tendency to do magic. To be honest if you already have a Sideboard, there's not really much use for a MrGoat.

The MrGoat is not internet ready, the mac interface it uses seems to be add odds with the internet, and when connected seems very lagged, browsing his web pages they may be up to 2 years out of date.

The MrGoat is mobile however, and will turn up to most parties.

I didn't like it at first but it grows on you, like mould.

You can make a penis out of him, so he gets a - 4/10

If you would like to read more about the MrGoat go here.. http://protagonist.co.uk/goatblog/

SPORE ParticleMan Review

2008-07-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

Well not really news as its all over the web, those zany guys at Spore have released ParticleMan some weird ass particle simulator for Spore here http://www.spore.com/comm/prototypes I had a play with it.. here...

Its billed as "ParticleMan simulates gravitational attraction between particles in a cloud. This system was used to study such gravitational dynamics as orbits, nebula formation, star formation and particle streams from sources like pulsars and black holes." if this sounds like your thing then you're either Steven Hawking or so crippling nerdy the nearest you will get to sex is this simulation of a black hole.

You can't make anything like a penis out of it

Review Score: -4/10

You won't believe the shit that women post on the net

2008-07-14T02:58:00.000-07:00

Just another little gem from the forums where stupid women post crap about their mundane and stupid lives, Do you know that 95% of women hate their partners??

I Hate dp!!!!
Well im truly pis*ed of with him now!!!!!!!! I rang him at 2.00 to make sure we were still on for tonight, going to meet Katie Price. He said yes and I know he is only working at a school so not a pushy customer he has to hurry up n finish. Rang him at 2.30 wen i'd got all ready n he said were not going now!!!!!! Well he said he isn't leaving work tell 4.30 but we could still go its up to me! why do men say that when its obviously not!! she's there at 5 for an hour so if we don't get there tell 5.30 there is no way were going to get to see here cos the trafford centre is busy at the best of times so the que will prob be huge!!!! He's now making out like im bein mean! its suposed to be a birthday treat. He is his own boss so there is no excuse why he cant just leave early as we had planned. I hate my life depending on him constantly!!! can't even get my mum a mothers day presant unless he will give me money for it!!ARRRGGGGGRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Get a job then you fat cow, and stop whinging! hahah, i mean seriously?! you wanted to go and see JORDAN as a birthday treat? are you retarded? Have you never heard of Taxis! haha, you loser...

SEX.......anyone up for it yet?? (im 15+3)
i have a very lovely partner who has always told me he would still find me attracitive if i was a size 22 and although im nowhere near that size, i am struggling to feel comfortable with my self so that i can have sex with him. bless his heat he is being wonderful about it but i can tell that he is getting frustrated about the situation.
the worst part about it is that a lotof the time i am up for it but feel uncomfortable with my new fund flabby tum, ginormous painful boobs to name but a few of my insecurities.
does anyone else feel this way of eve better have any ideas abou how i can start to feel better about myself??
my poor fella doesnt deserve this!!

Size 22!?!? Fuck me! you're a FUCKING WHALE! the only penetration you'll get is a by a japanese whailing fleet!!

I have very little sex drive and have done ever since being pregnant. My dh is being really great about it, not pushing at all. I just feel so bad about it but feel ok finding other ways of keeping my man happy

Thats right love! keep feeding him and biring him his slippers while the woman he is seeing at work lets him bang her all over his office! They're probably doing it on the photocopier RIGHT NOW!!

Making fun of ugly people

2008-07-14T02:49:00.000-07:00

EMO LIKE PIE, GIVE EMO PIE!!!

It has just been brought to my attention that I am taking the piss out of ugly people, and I have no right to do that, because I am ugly myself. Well Let me just say this! right now... I don't care, yeah whatever! You're no supermodel yourself love... so go put the kettle on and have a nice big mug of SHUT THE FUCK UP! hahahaahahaa.... oh god! I hate you all...

On the upside i had sex this weekend, without the aid of booze, so i can't be all that bad!

Who's Banksy?

2008-07-14T01:10:00.000-07:00

Who cares who he is? We've all pretty much guessed that he is a public schoolboy who emulates street art, he's talented and intelligent - that much is obvious, if he wants to remain a secret let him! You know its just going to turn out that he's a total tosser - So i for one would rather not know. Especially if his name is George! i mean really....

Seriously, WTF?!?!

2008-07-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

LOL! DFS just gets worse and worse, this is why i never have my TV on anymore! I know this is me just posting a load of you tube links but i am writing something, and while I am doing it, this keeps being on tele, and getting stuck in my EFFING HEAD!!

Seriously! WTF?!?!

Games are not fun anymore

2008-07-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

The problem with games today, is they're just not fun! You can play Motorstorm II on your PS3 and wank over the graphics and how they have FULLY RENDERED EVERY FUCKING LEAF ON THE BLOODY ISLAND SO IT REALLY ACTS LIKE A REAL LEAF WOULD IF IT WAS RUN OVER BY A MONSTER TRUCK!! but seriously, WOO! who wants that? use the bloody power of they modern machines to make a new one of these.. this fucking ROCKS...

There! how much fun was Carmageddon? More bloody fun that fucking your mum! thats how much fun it was... Where is the new one?!?! DAMN YOU WORLD!! and the film... that would be nice too, not by UWE BOLL tho! thanks.

Gorgeous Ladies of Zoosk! Volume IV

2008-07-12T07:06:00.001-07:00

Here are a few odd ones! just for your delectation, As new as i am to this whole "Online dating" thing there are certain things i know, one is, 1) take a flattering pic...

Serious dude! put a flattering pic on... or show your kids... instead...

and a warning, be careful of women who put on blurry pics, I have the same software they use on CSI for photoshop, which works by loading up a pic and typing randomly on they keyboard to enhance the image....

This... becomes this....

If we zoom in enough, and use the enhance filter, suddenly the truth is displayed...

Just be careful! eh!?

And what the fuck is this?!! how am i supposed to flirt with this?!?!

Hang on! whats this?!?! ZOOM! IN!!
Uh oh! ENHANCE!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo i flirted with Hitler!!! I AM GOING TO HELL!!!

THis is whats getting on my tits this week

2008-07-12T04:22:00.000-07:00

I saw something on tele that incensed me, probably more than it should have, what was it i hear you ask? well i have some sort of machine hooked up to my PC that means i can hear what you say... in your mind or something... It was this pikey troll guy.....

Marco Pierre Shite, Endorses knife crime (yesterday)

So why is this guy annoying me so much? Well aside from the cardinal sin of telling someone to MICROWAVE their bacons! can you IMAGINE such a travesty? Microwaved bacons! he was saying how beef, that he had eaten, didn't taste as nice as the pork probably he was going to cook, and why did this annoy me? I will show you!

Je Suis un cunté

Yeah! look at him, smoking like a twat, Do you have any idea what fags do to your taste buds? they rape them, and give them aids! its a fact that is... and before you smokers go "MER MER YOU'RE AN EX SMOKER YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING!!" Hold it RIGHT fucking THERE buddy!! Its just because i AM an ex smoker i know how different my tastes changed since giving up, everything tastes 2000% better, and I am NOT talking food advice from some wanna be french idiot who smokes fags and prefers pork to a beef joint! cunt!!

Knock off my ass

2008-07-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hey! look, Knock off Nigel is back I don't know if you noticed, if you're anything like me and you work in an office, you get people nagging you all the time for the latest films and realeases, just because i steal films (which are mainly shite) from the major corporations, that doesn't make me a grubby little man AT ALL http://www.knockoffornot.com/ see this shit? no!

I don't steal from whiprounds I steal from millionaire companies that can afford it, lets face it. I am not going to be made to feel like paedophile because i don't want to pay £6 to see ANOTHER shit film with WIll Smith in it.

He can fuck off and so can that 118118 reject calling me a fucking knock off Nigel.

Heroe's News!

2008-07-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

Here's something odd, Heroes will be shown "within a week" of the american version of the show on BBC2, meaning that us people who download all our TV shows from the internet instead of watching them on shitty tele are losing out again, I love watching things months before all my lame ass mates, and ruining them for them, I used to do it with Lost all the time till Sky bloody started showing 3 days later! you had to get in quick to spoil the show for them. I hope this trend really doesn't continue, or us people on the net who think we are superior to all the n00behs who arn't going to be looking as cool as we quite obviously are! No, i don't smell.

Comments

2008-07-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

You can now comment on my blog, anon if you're a big pussy... if you like, i don't care!

Give me some feedback.

You won't beleive what some women put on the internet.

2008-07-10T10:56:00.001-07:00

Hello readers! I have come across a GREAT forum on the net, where women who have kids whinge about stuff, I am not going to tell you where it is, but its amazing, these people put INTIMATE DETAILS of their lives on a public forum, its really cool, here are just two i thought you would like...
DH has got a new job which means we won't lose the house and with the bigger salary means i don't have to return to work and we can ttc as well....all pretty damn good.
So why am i sssooo unhappy?? I am finding myself crying for no reason during the day when on my own,I feel that i'm adding no value to the house or relationship,even though DH says i do.I don't feel successful TBH i feel pretty damn worthless.
I try to keep busy during the week,going to groups and meeting up with friends,but they are all starting to go back to work in the next few months and then I'll feel even more lonely than i do now. I don't even feel i can talk to DH as he doesn't want to listen to me going on about my day changing nappies and doing housework.
I'm just so sad and unhappy,i haven't told DH as he is so busy now that i don't want to bother him. My life is pretty damn good so why am i so unhappy.
Thanks for reading,i just needed to get it off my chest and you girlies (and Andy) are the only people i can tell.

Well done love, you are telling the whole internet how depressed you are, you can't even work out that everyone on the planet can read how you nearly lost the house, and you won't go back to work because you're a bum! lol!

Grim- maggots - help needed
Yuck, yuck, yuck. Please don't think I live in a house filled with scum but last night we found maggots in the bathroom. I am completely stumped as to how they got there, what they are feeding on and how to get rid of them. I would understand if they were in the kitchen bin but the bathroom? I have my suspicions they came in with some Tesco toilet rolls as thats where DH found the first lot. We cleaned them all up but this morning there were even more. How do I kill them and make sure they don't come back?
I've picked up everything from the floor and put the bath mat into a boil wash. Do you think bleach will kill them if I put it on the floor and around the skirting board? We have laminate flooring so they can't get into that. I felt sick for ages last night and I am not at all squeemish!!!!! HELP!

OMG! OMG!! MAGGOTS LOL!!! Pikey cow.

RIP my Sex Life

I hope DH doesn't see this, he would be upset. But, I am really worried about our lack of nooky. We still love each other very much and we cuddle up lots, but there never seems to be any time for dtd. I admit we're not in the 1st flush of love - I am 37 and DH is 43 and we're both knackered running about after Connor, but we've stopped making the effort. Is anyone in a similar position.....pardon the pun....

Lol! he doesn't want to have sex with you! he is getting it somewhere else love....

Taste the Pain!

2008-07-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Well here he comes! the film I have been waiting for, I love Max Payne 1 and 2, they were awesome, and here is the first trailer for said film, I really really hope it doesn't STINK

PWNED II

2008-07-10T09:24:00.001-07:00

mmmmmmmm! some women are like a fine wine, they should be kept in a cellar.

Gorgeous ladies of Zoosk! Volume III

2008-07-10T09:15:00.001-07:00

Here's what I don't get, Quadratic equations. Also another thing i don't get is peoples obsession with taking pics showing their phone, okay you have phone, that's cool, by why would i want to see you phone. You showing your mate in the background you have a phone? Look Tracy! look at my phone!! ITS A PHONE!! WOOO!!!

This is what my dad would look like, if he wore a bra, and shaved his moustache off. Is this you dad? Maybe that's where I got the whole bra wearing thing from.....

Its really hard to tell what this girl looks like, she has really really bad dandruff.

My webcomic revealed

2008-07-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

Just as a teaser, here is the protagonist of my comic... Hope you enjoy him.

More shit coming soon, stay tuned.

PWNED I

2008-07-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

As well as the gorgeous ladies of Zoosk! i will also be putting up the great pictures of the sexy ladies i find in Owned, another EXCELLENT facebook app.

This picture makes me feel very scared, and kinda wierd, I am going to have nightmares i know. I Have never done acid, but i assume this is what a bad trip looks like. Grimstad by name and nature.

A licence too far

2008-07-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

Unlike a lot of people, I liked Transformers, the new movie, I never saw the cartoon, i was too old when it was television, and personally, i don't care! It was basically a very badly animated advert for toys. At about the same time Zoids arrived, they lasted about 15 minutes, and disappeared, if you had any, and kept them, they were worth a fortune, if you anything like me, you lost all the bits, ate them, and shat them down the toilet. Now you can play the Xbox360 game of zoids, well not now, cos its not out yet. I think it looks shite.

The most action packed pic i could find of this hellish looking RTS game (yesterday).

I wonder if you have to stop the game every 2 minutes to wind all your units up? hmmm... intresting! on Wii version you could spin you wiimote! woo!! God i hate consoles, and i hate nostalgia, its not what it used to be.

Sexy ladies of Zoosk! volume II

2008-07-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

What can i say? look at this VISION of beauty, it doesn't say what her name is, or how old she is all i know is shes in Cottingham, and she is wearing the hottest Wolf t-shirt i have ever seen EVER. Normally i would put 3 in here, but she deserves an update all of her own. She is interested in men, and been voted for 3 times! lovely.

Hull Punternet Reviews of the week

2008-07-09T04:58:00.000-07:00

And in another semi regular feature, my pick of punternet reviews!

here's one i particularly like...

Description:
good looking, lovely body, boobs are big but clearly fake, felt wierd

Comments:
have only ever been let down in e.suite once b4 and that was years ago, felt quite let down here though. dont get me wrong kate is a nice person with good looks and a fit body, but there is something missing. i hope i dont come across as horrible in this report but kate is too chatty and scatty for her own good. for instance i had to ask for a body to body massage over a dozen times, she kept saying yes sure but never actually did it, she just kept rabbitting on at me. i dont mind a bit of frienly chat but it got far too much.

good points: fit, great covered bj and she means well

bad points: talks far too much, rushes you quite a bit, sex was poor- she wouldnt fully let me enter her for some reason and boobs are a turn off for me

Lol! yeah me too, i hate boobs...

Description:
Slim tanned blonde lady, reasonably pleasant. Probably olde than stated but with the typical smokers lines its hard to be sure.

She sounds hot! I will be visiting her for sure.

Brief massage, asked me to turn over. Nice oral followed.. for about 30 seconds! Whilst I was settling in to enjoy it I looked up and she was squirting lube on! Proceeded to try cowgirl where she went from stationary to 60 thrusts a second immediately!Tried doggy to control the pace a little but lost interest when all I could smell was her dirty arse!

mmmmmmm! stink arse, this is class...

well there you go, i shall be returning to punternet soon...

Your suggestions please

2008-07-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

As i am in direct competition with Mentski now, I need an 80 pop siren to become obsessed by, ideally she should be fitter than Betty Boo, and still arround and foxy now. Someone not too obvious either! no Kylies please!!

Carol Decker and Kim Wilde yesterday

Obvioulsy Kim Wilde is a bit ming, and wrinkly but Carol Decker still has that Milf factor going on!
I think it may be her.. but other suggestions are welcome email them to me at Mrfavus@hotmail.com and i will do something. Next up! Grafitti what I am going to do, and possibly Stickers.

Sexy Ladies of Zoosk! volume 1

2008-07-09T02:42:00.000-07:00

Todays bevvy of lovlies are...

mmmmmm! no sure what to say here, gorgeous smile
This one is hot, i'd wait a couple of years till shes legal if i were you tho!
mmmmmmmmm!! now that's what i'm talkin' about!! God bless you Hull!

Welcome!

2008-07-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not know, I used to write a blog, it was excellent. I had to delete it because of work issues, and I started writing for Mentski's blog, Well he fired me... I have no idea why! My posts were way better than his it was probably a competition thing. Anyway, that aside, I have decided to resurrect my blog in DIRECT COMPETITION to his, obviously mine will be much better, and far funnier than his, and he will be really jealous.

And also on my blog I will be doing a web comic, it will look nothing like this, it will be better - in colour and not with stick men, this has been a long time coming and oft nagged for - I am currently working on characters who are not so wholly routed in #digi in jokes that no one else will get them, as funny as the Bulmer web comic was, if you didn't know him, you'd not find it as funny as us, when i say us, i mean me.